so, the insurance company called today, and that which i've been dreading is a reality - the truck is a total loss. it's too bad, i miss (and have needed) that truck already. something about big, black and loud that always appealed to me.

at any rate, the rental has been a blessing, and i can't tell you all how much you need to have this in your policy. hopefully, the insurance gives me enough to fix the honda.

in other news, maddie is doing very well, over the sickness and everything is good. i took her to see shrek 2 and she loved it. it'll be the last fun thing we do for a while, the wallet is pretty darn thin these days.

my back is still killing me - marginally better, and the drugs help alot, but still, i get a strange pain inside...no wait, that's a concrete blonde lyric. still sucks being less than 100 percent.

a long update, but i've been quiet. i'll try to be more faithful.

here's the lyrics for "joey", by concrete blonde...i can't get it out of my head - maybe it'll get stuck in yours:

"joey, baby - don’t get crazy
detours. fences... i get defensive
i know you’ve heard it all before -
so i don’t say it anymore
i just stand by and watch you
fight your secret war.
although i used to wonder why -
i used to cry till i was dry.
still sometimes i get a strange pain inside
oh, joey, if you’re hurting so am i.

joey, honey - i got some money
all is forgiven. listen, listen
and if i seem to be confused
i didn’t mean to be with you.
and when you said i scared you,
well i guess you scared me too.
but we got lucky once before
and if you’re somewhere out there
passed out on the floor.
oh joey, i’m not angry anymore..."

well, they're are up - need i say more??? here you go. have fun, it was monster truck extravaganza time...

you know, i used to mock country music unmercifully. then, when i met rose, i listened to it because she did...eventually it grew on me. i always harbored a secret love for country, listened to it in the dark hours of the night, when everyone else was asleep...

songs like this one, by keith urban:

"i woke up early this morning around 4am
with the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
i pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
but thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
i've been tryin' my best to get along
but that's ok
there's nothing left to say, but

take your records, take your freedom
take your memories i don't need'em
take your space and take your reasons
but you'll think of me
and take your cat and leave my sweater
'cause we have nothing left to weather
in fact i'll feel a whole lot better
but you'll think of me, you'll think of me

i went out driving trying to clear my head
i tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
i guess i'm feeling just a little tired of this
and all the baggage that seems to still exist
it seems the only blessing i have left to my name
is not knowing what we could have been
what we should have been...
so,

take your records, take your freedom
take your memories i don't need'em
take your space and take your reasons
but you'll think of me
and take your cat and leave my sweater
'cause we have nothing left to weather
in fact i'll feel a whole lot better
but you'll think of me

someday i'm gonna run across your mind
don't worry, i'll be fine
i'm gonna be alright
while you're sleeping with your pride
wishing i could hold you tight
i'll be over you
and on with my life

so take your records, take your freedom
take your memories i don't need'em
and take your cat and leave my sweater
'cause we have nothing left to weather
in fact i'll feel a whole lot better
but you'll think of me

so take your records, take your freedom
take your memories i don't need'em
take your space and all your reasons
but you'll think of me
and take your cat and leave my sweater
'cause we got nothing left to weather
in fact i'll feel a whole lot better
but you'll think of me, you'll think of me, yeah

and you're gonna think of me
oh someday baby, someday"

why does it still hurt so much? somebody please tell me why, because i do not understand.

so, i had an accident on the fourth. woman pulls out in front of me, i drive over the top of her, and end up in a tree. nice.

the truck is (i think) a total loss. my back and neck are still killing me. life's little challenges come in three's, and i'm scared to death that something horrible is next, and will make the old saying come true.